Most marriages do not survive a discovered affair and end because of it. An inability to trust is the main reason why even couples that still love each other very much are unable to put the affair behind them and move forward with the marriage.
Having the trust of your marriage betrayed by the spouse you have loved and trusted makes overcoming the betrayal extremely difficult. If you want to save your marriage despite this breech of trust understand that you are in for a difficult and time consuming process.
If you have now decided to try and save the marriage, the first thing you need to determine is why he or she strayed. Finding the real cause of the adultery enables you to determine whether it is something that can be repaired in the marriage. You need to determine you - as well as your spouse -are willing to do your part in trying to change things.
But why should I have to change? It may sound unfair and cruel that you should have to change anything. After all, you were not the one that had the affair! But some changes on your part may be a helpful dynamic in resolving some underlying issues. This is certainly not saying you are to blame in any way. It is just a recognition that it is going to take both you and your spouse working together to save your troubled marriage.
One thing only you can do is to forgive your husband or wife. This is a difficult action that will most likely take some time and soul searching on your part. It is crucial for you to be able to become able to truly forgive your spouse for the marriage to survive. Give yourself all the time and space you need for this. Do not allow your spouse to pressure you into a half-hearted forgiveness.
After you have forgiven your spouse, you both need to work together and spend time working on the underlying problems of your marriage. Had you began to neglect the marriage and take each other for granted? Had one or both of you grown tired of the relationship? Whatever the underlying problems, they need to be recognized - and resolved - by both of you. Do not hesitate to seek help and educational. Yours is not the first marriage to experience this harsh blow.
It may be helpful to think of this as a new, fresh relationship as you move forward. Maybe you need to begin at the beginning and get to know each other as you did when you were dating. There is hope for your marriage if you are determined to work together and save it.
